Yes We Can

“Well, I need to go now,” I stood up from my coffee chair
“Where are you going?” my friend, Mr. Perfect, asked
“I have a meeting to attend”
“Oh, you have a meeting with them?” he also knew the people involved in the meeting
“Yes”
“Will that be on time?” he asked again as he had had a lot of bad experiences regarding punctuality with “them”
“Well, yeah, I know they might not be on time, but I just don’t want to be late”
“He he. Believe me, even if you’re 15 mins late, the meeting is still not started,” he smiled cynically
I smiled back. “I know. But, I just want to try to be positive. They may be late, but I want to be on time. It’s okay that the meeting is not started when I’m here. But at least, I’m not late.”
“Good if you have that way of thinking”
“Okay. See you around”
“Bye. Good luck with the meeting”

It was part of my conversation with Mr. Perfect today. We were talking about a group of people we used to be in. We have been dealing with almost the same group for such a long time, say, 3-4 years. We have known each other quite well. Not too well, actually, but well enough to know their general habit.
In our life, we meet many people, with many characteristics and habits. As human is a unique individual, then we might find some differences among the people we meet. Some can be tolerated, but some can not. When we think what other people have is not right, we would give some critics. But then when the bad habit is still there, we got fed up. By that state, we tend to be helpless and don’t care. I do believe you might once have said “Huh, don’t expect him to be on time. He is always like that.” Or “He is not reliable, don’t believe in what he says.” Or… or… the other examples (which are too many to mention). I’m quite sure that at least once in our life we had ever complained about the condition we have, either the environment or the circle of friends and family.

However, if we keep complaining, will those people change? Big NO. I always think that if we don’t get what we are expecting, there are two options. You lower down the standard or you change your expectations. For example, I have a friend, Mr. Aussie, who is always late. When he said he would see me at 7 pm, he would end up meeting me at 8 pm or 9 pm. At first, I was a bit annoyed by this habit. I mean, I was sitting there for 1-2 hours, waiting for him. After a while, I learn to deal with this. First, don’t make appointment on the appointed time. If you want to meet at 7 pm, tell him to meet at 6 pm. Second, try to find out what time he is really available. In this case, Mr. Aussie is working until at least 6 pm. So, try to make appointment at 8 pm. Third (this is the second option I mentioned above), change my own standard. If I have appointment with Mr. Aussie, I don’t expect him to be on time. I tell myself he might be late, so I think of something to do in between the waiting time. So, don’t bother myself with bad feeling within me.
 

Talking about bad feeling, I have another experience. A friend of mine, Cherry, was mad about me not telling her that I move to another town. She was upset and disappointed. The fact is, I didn't tell anybody, not just her, as I didn’t see the point of announcing it to the world – I’m nobody important to begin with. Plus, she was unreachable (she was having a summer course or something out of town) when I was about to move. So, another friend, Mr. Lucifer, who know about her disappointment, asked what I felt about her disappointment on me. Well, actually, I don’t feel bad at all. First, I didn’t think I deliberately wanted to make her upset. Second, it was her who choose to be upset and disappointed. So, if she is still upset now, that’s her choice. I couldn't force her to be upset and disappointed.

Most of the time we complain a lot without making any action to change the annoying condition we have. There is a saying, it’s better to light a candle than to complain about the black out. So, we may not complain? Yes, it’s very normal to complain when we don’t get what want. But, can a complain make the condition change? Another big NO. Whew, what I want to say is, sometimes we are to busy complaining and forget to think of solutions to change the things we don’t like. Or sometimes we are too fed up so that we are helpless and demand too much. For example, a friend tell us to be on time, but then we tell ourselves, “you are always late and then you tell me to be on time???” Most people will require other people to be good first then tell others to be good. If that so, there will be no good thing as nobody is perfect. But let’s change our mind set a little bit. If we know that people are not on time, why don’t we be on time? If we are also late, we are just the same as them, right? If that so, the next question is: when will the group be on time?

I do believe, if we take action, regardless the significance, YES WE CAN MAKE A CHANGE!